Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?