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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.