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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.