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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
I am used but in good condition.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Not so great minds also think alike.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift