Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?