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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...