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Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.