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If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.