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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!