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Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?