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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.