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Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.