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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.