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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball