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That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.