Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...