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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.