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People will do odd things to get even.
Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.