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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.