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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative