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Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.