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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk