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A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over