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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
Iām off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(