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Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.