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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?