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my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Chaos, panic, & disorder ā my work here is done.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
I hate it when Iām singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
It`s not stalking if you love them!
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.