Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M