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If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!