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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.