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*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds