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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."