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i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.