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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.