Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
I do not argue, I explain why Iām right.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.