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I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?