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Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?