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Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.