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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...