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You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!