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I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.