Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.