Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...