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I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.