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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?