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Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.