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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?