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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day