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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
Iām late for a disappointment.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
Iād slap you but Iām pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.