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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-