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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?