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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...