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That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!