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I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.