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Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?