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I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
´s status message is better than yours
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.