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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.