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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Ever wonder why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it!
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.